Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Amor Prohido
Mis estrictos planes incluyeron:
NO mirar a ningún hombre
SACAR de mi vida a mi “bello monstro”
OLVIDARME de todos los que tengo por ahí
ENFOCARME en mi profesión y mis planes para el futuro.
Escribí aquellos planes mentalmente hasta que me las memorice como si fuera el numero de celular del hombre al cual yo mas amo. Recuerdo recitar mis planes una y otra vez caminando desde mi trabajo a la estación de tren hasta que mi cerebrito me dijo “BASTA pareces loca!!” Mi rutina del día seguía su rumbo hasta que me monte en el tren. Me senté en la última silla del vagón- algo que nunca hago -y a los pocos segundo un muchacho se sentó en la silla del frente y me pregunto si el tren iba para cierta cuidad de “New Jersey”. Yo levante la cabeza y le respondí un poco desanimada “si”. A los pocos segundo llego un amigo de este muchacho y fui ahí cuando mi decisión de nunca más saber de un hombre cambio!!!!!
Yo no quería enamórame- Ni lo tenía planeado!!!!!!!!! Yo ya le había dado consejos a mi corazón una semana entera sin parar ¿Porque quieres enamorarte después de ser engañada y sentirte usada por hombres que no valen la pena? Seria ilógico buscarte a otro que sea igual!!!!!!!! Además, yo no tengo el tiempo ni suficiente paciencia para los hombres. Pero que iba saber yo que mi corazón iba a encontrar cosas escondidas dentro de mí.
Mi corazoncito encontró el tiempo y la paciencia que yo pensaba que nunca más iba a tener para un hombre. Ohhhh, y como dejar atrás los celos que mi corazoncito volvió a encontrar. Espera!! Esa fui yo quien los encontré. jaja! Pero de verdad que no hay necesidad de decirles “Ok celitos, cuando el mencione a una “amiga” sales disparado” Esos celos encuentran a uno misma y salen de algún momento a otro y uno se queda anonadada de ellos.
Bueno, no sé en qué momento mi corazón me dio entender que sentía algo por mi amor prohíbo. No sé si fue a la siguiente noche cuando me beso mientras bailábamos una bachata o si fue cuando me di cuenta que hace mucho tiempo nadie me hacía sentir tan feliz como él lo estaba haciendo.
Yo no quería que ese fin de semana llegara al fin porque mi amor prohibido tenía que regresarse a la Florida donde el radica. Y yo iba a quedar sola, triste, y abandonada OTRA bendita vez!!!!!!!! Mi corazón gritaba peor que un perro con hambre y me decía una y otra vez “Nunca voy hacer feliz. nunca!!!! Mi vida es una desgracia. Porque él tiene que vivir tan lejos” Mientras mi cerebrito decía “De verdad que me vas a volver loca!!! ¿Solamente lo conoces por 3 días y ya te sentís sola??” Mi corazón no sabía cómo responderle..entonces derramo lagrimas y solamente recordaba los besos de mi amor prohibido y la frase “Nos volveremos a ver...”
CONTINUARA............................................................................
Friday, December 19, 2008
Sin espiritu navideño
Bueno, no tengo ninguna solución de año nuevo. ¿Además no creo en eso porque si uno quiere hacer algo, porque esperar para un nuevo año que venga? Porque no haces o comienzas tus planes YA mismo!!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
It took me about 9 years to see this beautiful monster that I once dearly loved. He was everything that I had ever wanted. Until I saw what I had always failed to see. I recalled whispering “God please help me. I really need to get over him.” And ta daaa I was able to log in to his hotmail account. My hands were suddenly cold and my heart was racing so fast that I could see it pumping through my shirt. After many years of attempting to log into his hotmail account, here I was reading through every single e-mail that unfolded the life story of my beautiful monster. I was not only astonished but grossed out with the findings. Every e-mail that I opened was more devastating than the previous. I was suddenly sick to my stomach when I realized that he was talking to someone so young and naïve- his youngest sister’s best friend- a 17 year old. But the fact that he was talking to someone 6 years younger than him is not what grossed me out. It was the many women who he was trying to sleep with at the same time that made me sick. The one with a baby that he was inviting over his house for a “Malibu night”; the one who was at least 5 years older than him and had spend Christmas and New Years with after sleeping with me; the one who was desperately in love with him; the one who had a boyfriend and he was friends with her boyfriend; and finally the one who he had been hiding all along-me. Luckily, I had only sent 1 e-mail and it was of no importance. So I did the unthinkable or maybe I did what every woman, like me, would have done. I forwarded those e-mails to every girl in his contact list. Pay back, I thought, for what he did to me 6 years ago when we finally broke up. (The day I saw him at a park walking with a girl). After reading the e-mails I wasn’t sure what to think of him. Was he still a good person? Was this really him? But then a huge light bulb light up in my head and said “God wanted you to see this.” And then I remember my favorite biblical quote “Ask and you shall receive” I wanted his hotmail password for many years and God finally gave me it. God wanted me to see and realize that I should no longer love this man the way I did. I should no longer hold my breath for all the times that he said “one day” (One day we will be together again). I should no longer plan my life around him. I should move on and live happily ever after with someone who deserves me. I shouldn’t be stuck on someone who is probably sleeping with all these women. The thought of him was very nauseating thereafter. But time heals and will eventually help someone forget about a particular situation. About three months later I put the situation aside until it was confirmed that he was now dating the 17 year old. I am still in disbelief. Not only because she is 17 but also because he dated her 16 or 15 year old cousin.
He was once the most beautiful thing I ever had, but reality is that he is a sick minded person who thinks with the wrong head. My mind can’t help but question itself if he was always this monster or if he transformed into one over the past 6 years. Oh my beautiful monster if you only knew how much I loathe thee.
-S-
Monday, December 1, 2008
Letting go
The time is coming up
For me to say good bye and break his heart
I don’t want to say good bye
I don’t want to let him go
But my mother doesn’t think he’s the best catch
She thinks that we don’t match
And she has only met him once
Apparently that was enough
Enough time for her to say that we don’t belong together
It breaks my heart
It makes me sad
To say good bye
Because he makes me happy
He makes me smile
He makes my time be worthwhile
He is all I ever wanted
And all I ever desired
But all the happiness must come to an end
However, my search should never end
The search to find “the one” that my mother, my family, and friends won’t judge
And you may ask yourself?
Why should you care about what they think?
And I would respond, I don’t know
I don’t know
I don’t know
I just wished that things would be a bit differently…
S ♥
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
The Love of My(S) Life
1) I can’t fall in love
2) My mother criticizes every single one of my male friends
“There seems to be a problem with me. Why can’t I fall in love? Why can’t I just close my eyes and love someone the way I was able to do it before? Is it because I’ve been cheated on? Or could it be that my expectations are so high that I avoid anyone who does not meet them. Bu t then again, I have tried to give someone who doesn’t meet all of my expectations a chance and it didn’t work out. So what is it?” These questions torment me every day or every time I think about them. But this past Thursday something out of the ordinary happened. He physically is not “the one” but I love everything about him. I haven’t stopped thinking about him. I’ve planned our future. I’ve planned what our life would be like. And I have also prepared myself for what my mother has to say about him!
I can already hear her words ringing in my ears “What are you crazy? Look at him!! You MUST forget about him. How old is he? 7 years older than you!! What! No way! He looks mature. He has definitely had some experience. But what happened with the other guy you were seeing?” And those words would play over and over and over again until I decide that speaking to this guy is definitely a waste of my time. Those words would mark my life forever and I will never look at him the same. Therefore, all means of communication must immediately end and I will surrender to the same loop that tortures me. But that’s ok. It happens all the time. Well, with about 3 exceptions….
Maybe the only love that I should focus on at this moment is God’s… you can never go wrong with that one! = )
S ♥
Thursday, November 6, 2008
It's been a long time
I mean, has this ever happened to you? Have you ever eaten something so delicious that you get so sick of it and stop eating it! But after a while you crave for it again and you forget what it tastes like. Well, that’s my problem! I forgot what it’s like to constantly be in church. And it’s not that I am afraid to leave my ‘worldly’ friends and be judged by them. I think I am afraid to lose what I have now- my wonderful social life. My parties, the guy I’m seeing, salsa dancing, house music clubs, “social” drinking, etc. And I know God would give me greater things than the aforementioned, but it’s in my human “nature” to fear the unknown and question whether those greater things would happen! I need to learn how to trust God. Well, I do trust him but I guess not enough = (
If I could only let go of those fears, do you know how much I would accomplish??? If I can just risk everything for the most wonderful person in this world, God, do you know how much happier I would probably be now? I love my life but maybe a little something can be changed. And that little something can transform me. I will discuss this transformation in a later blog!
La S ♥
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
No Title
I have to apologize from now. I can't give you up lifting words because I am in need of them myself. Let me just leave you with a couple quotes I've read in the book I'm reading "The Diva Principle" by Michelle McKinney Hammond.
- "Remember medicine never taste good going down, but you're a whole lot better for taking it." MEANING: You have to make decisions in life that you WILL NOT like, but you'll feel a whole lot better after it gets done.
- "I will celebrate the blessings of other and allow them to increase my faith, believing I, too, can receive the desires of my heart."
That's it for now. My boss thinks I'm working, but I'm really writing to you. Even though I'm going through, allow me to tell you to BE ENCOURAGED!
-Until Next Time
♥ La C ♫
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Message To All WOMEN!!! You Need To Know Your Worth!!!
It's not easy being Single so I know Marriage is a difficult task. I was Single, then Married, Divored and now Single again. I'm not going to be negative about Marriage because I believe marriage is a Beautiful thing. But it's only Beautiful when God puts the Man & the Woman together. Our emotions and feelings can get the best of us and that can lead us into situations that we would have never thought that we would be in. As a Christian Hispanic woman, many Christian women and especially Hispanic Christian women feel that we have to be "Low". Yes Men are Head of the Household but not Better than US!!! Many Christian men forget that women need to be LOVED not LOWERED. Physical abuse, Verbal abuse or any abuse for that matter should NOT be tolerated by Any Female. We have to understand that If a Man must Love his wife as God Loved the Church, we must stand by those standards. I was in a marriage where my ex-husband was not physically abusive (I know he wouldn't dare to anyway cause I would hurt him with any I got hands on and my dad would of Killed him. LOL!!) but he was Very Very verbally abusive and if you mix that with his fake Brady Bunch family and especially a mother-in-law that thinks that her son is god's gift to women, that is BAD NEWS!! Constant sayings that you are Not worth it, or You are not Christian enough for my son, you come from a dysfunctional family, or you're getting fat, or I can find someone better. Believe you me Enough is Enough, Take Charge of Your Life and Put it in God's Hands!!!! If you are in a Abusive relationship no matter how Big or small you need to appriciate your life and think to yourself "Is he worth me starving myself to be skinny, is he worth popping depression pills everyday, is he worth me crying every night because only sees you as a piece of meat to just have sex with or Is he worth Killing yourself over?" I DON'T THINK SO!!! If he tells you "I don't Love you anymore" just remember that Jesus Loves You More and You are Worth IT!!! If you are planning to get married in the near future, Pray for comfirmation that it's His will. Pray for over your Mind and your Heart cause that's what satan wants to destroy. I don't want you to go thru what I've been thru!!! Keep your head up cause You Are and Will Always Be a WOMAN OF GOD!!!
Love,
La D
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Why Do Good People Get Stomped On!! It Stops Here and Now!!
Many times I think to myself, Why Do People Have To Be So Mean To Others? Especially in the Church? Many times I think, did they really & totally give their lives to the Lord? The preaching in the youth service on Friday, Feb. 15th talked about how the church is the body and we need eachother. Everybody in the church has a special calling and they all connect like the body and the body's purpose is to help eachother and reach out others in need and give God all the Glory. But why does your own body (Church, Family, even Close Friends) wants to hurt you? We may never know that answer, but we still need to stay focus and keep our eyes on the Lord Jesus.
If I were to tell you the things that I have gone thru, You would never step your foot in a church. But God is greater than any problem and any situation. And we must realize that the Blood of Jesus Christ is stronger than anything in this world. And we are ALL working to get into one place which is Heaven. That's Why I'm still a Believer and I still go to church. People are always going to let you down, but God will never let you down. He is the same ALWAYS and FOREVER!! Those people that have hurt you in the past, back stabbed you and put you thru the mud, DON'T WORRY! Stay faithful to the Lord and Be Humble. Guard your Mind and your Heart, cause those are the main things that Satan will try to go into so that he can put negative thoughts and feelings.
Remember!! The Last shall be First and the First shall be Last!! God will put your enemies, problems and your situation under your feet. And when that Day happens, Give God All the Glory!!!
Positively Yours,
La D
Monday, February 18, 2008
The Plan...
Do not think that what happened to La C is a coincidence. God knows why this man confided in her. I beleive that HE, God, wanted La C to understand that there are people out there in this world who are facing worst problems than hers and she should count her blessings and not her problems.
It's extremely hard to only see the problem as an ant. I have been breaking down so much lately. Thankfully, I am surrounded by wonderful people who open up my eyes and tell me that everything will be just fine. They encourage me; motivate me; and make me realize that I am also seeing the problem as an elephant and not an ant.
Notes from Service February 15, 2008
- There is no perfect church. The only one is in heaven!!!
- God hates our sin, but he is willing to change that if you ask for forgiveness!
- God LOVES you more than you can only imagine
- God knows the door of your heart, but you are so busy with life that you miss that knock.
- Maybe you think that your heart is too dirty to let God in. God can change all that.
"For I know the plans I have for you...They are plans for good not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29:11)
La S ♥
What doesn't kill me, can only make me STRONGER
-Staying Strong!
♫ the songstress C ♪
Friday, February 15, 2008
I think it's time to move on...
The most awkward situation occured today. I think this state of affairs is the sign I needed to move on. To whomever reads this: Remember, that everyone that appears to be your friend, does NOT always wish the best for you. Friendship is very valuable to me. I've been hurt twice in my life and I never want it to happen again. I think I can count with one hand, maybe two, how many people I count as friends. The other 2 women I share this blog with, I consider them family, they're too special to be just friends.
Ok, I attend church (a house of worship I've grown to love and hate) and I am very disappointed in my pastor and youth leader. They totally lost the focus of looking for Christ. Anyway, we're in a complicated situation at this moment that I won't share it because it won't edify you. If you are going through something similar, you are NOT alone. Should I go? Should I pray? Should I run? Or should I just stand strong? Lord... help me make this decision, I can't do it alone.
-Scared, upset, perturbed, concerned
C ♫
Hello it's La D
Well to give you a quick run down on who I am. I'm divorced and I'm a woman that has gone thru things that till even this very day I don't understand why I had to go thru those situation. I really know meaning when people say, "Not everything that shines is Gold!" well that is so true. I've learned to let God taking control of my life, cause it was obvious that I was not doing a good with it.
La S and La C are women who I thank God everyday that they are in my life. We have laughed, cried, and shared so much with eachother. They are very special people that have a big & special place in my heart.
All three of us are here to let you know that you are not alone. Thank you for reading and taking a couple minutes of your time to read our blogs. Please comment, share and express.
Staying Encourage,
La D : )
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Hi, I'm... ♫ La C
-Becoming Stronger!
♫ La C
Purpose
Hiii,
Like most bloggers out there, we also have a purpose for creating this blog. Our purpose is to not only express with words what we are feeling at the moment on this blog, but to also encourage each other with words of wisdom. I once read the following:
Wisdom is the sharing of wise experiences and knowledge, but a lot of it is common sense. The difference is how we apply this common sense - we all have the ability to keep going even when we face challenges in our lives - basically it comes down to your attitude. We can have a positive attitude towards life, or a negative attitude. We can focus on the good or we can focus on the bad. Keeping a positive mental attitude is one of the keys to success. The choice is always up to us! Source
However, there are times in our lives when we fail to maintain a positive attitude during the most difficult moments of our lives. And we therefore need a word of wisdom. We need to be reminded that this is only a moment-it is temporary. Therefore, we must focus on what is eternal-God-and not what is temporary-problems.
The other two women who are updating this blog with me are the most extraordinary women that I have come across. We all have had an interesting "twist" with life and have so much to share or write about. I believe that God has placed them in my life for a reason.
As we continue typing away our thoughts and experiences, we must NOT forget our main purpose. Seek HIM first!
S
