The Love of My(S) Life

As promised, I am updating this blog. And although this entry seems more personal, I really need to get these feelings out there! Lately I’ve been thinking/feeling that I am never going to find “the one”. You know, “the one” that we all dream about. The tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, intelligent, successful, funny, and family oriented “one”. I feel that there are 2 factors that always affect this decision.

1) I can’t fall in love

2) My mother criticizes every single one of my male friends

“There seems to be a problem with me. Why can’t I fall in love? Why can’t I just close my eyes and love someone the way I was able to do it before? Is it because I’ve been cheated on? Or could it be that my expectations are so high that I avoid anyone who does not meet them. Bu t then again, I have tried to give someone who doesn’t meet all of my expectations a chance and it didn’t work out. So what is it?” These questions torment me every day or every time I think about them. But this past Thursday something out of the ordinary happened. He physically is not “the one” but I love everything about him. I haven’t stopped thinking about him. I’ve planned our future. I’ve planned what our life would be like. And I have also prepared myself for what my mother has to say about him!

I can already hear her words ringing in my ears “What are you crazy? Look at him!! You MUST forget about him. How old is he? 7 years older than you!! What! No way! He looks mature. He has definitely had some experience. But what happened with the other guy you were seeing?” And those words would play over and over and over again until I decide that speaking to this guy is definitely a waste of my time. Those words would mark my life forever and I will never look at him the same. Therefore, all means of communication must immediately end and I will surrender to the same loop that tortures me. But that’s ok. It happens all the time. Well, with about 3 exceptions….

Maybe the only love that I should focus on at this moment is God’s… you can never go wrong with that one! = )


S ♥