The Love of My(S) Life

As promised, I am updating this blog. And although this entry seems more personal, I really need to get these feelings out there! Lately I’ve been thinking/feeling that I am never going to find “the one”. You know, “the one” that we all dream about. The tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, intelligent, successful, funny, and family oriented “one”. I feel that there are 2 factors that always affect this decision.

1) I can’t fall in love

2) My mother criticizes every single one of my male friends

“There seems to be a problem with me. Why can’t I fall in love? Why can’t I just close my eyes and love someone the way I was able to do it before? Is it because I’ve been cheated on? Or could it be that my expectations are so high that I avoid anyone who does not meet them. Bu t then again, I have tried to give someone who doesn’t meet all of my expectations a chance and it didn’t work out. So what is it?” These questions torment me every day or every time I think about them. But this past Thursday something out of the ordinary happened. He physically is not “the one” but I love everything about him. I haven’t stopped thinking about him. I’ve planned our future. I’ve planned what our life would be like. And I have also prepared myself for what my mother has to say about him!

I can already hear her words ringing in my ears “What are you crazy? Look at him!! You MUST forget about him. How old is he? 7 years older than you!! What! No way! He looks mature. He has definitely had some experience. But what happened with the other guy you were seeing?” And those words would play over and over and over again until I decide that speaking to this guy is definitely a waste of my time. Those words would mark my life forever and I will never look at him the same. Therefore, all means of communication must immediately end and I will surrender to the same loop that tortures me. But that’s ok. It happens all the time. Well, with about 3 exceptions….

Maybe the only love that I should focus on at this moment is God’s… you can never go wrong with that one! = )


S ♥

It's been a long time

Wow, it's almost impossible to beleive that it has been 9 months since we last wrote in this blog. I MUST start blogging A.S.A.P since I have more time now that I don’t have school work to do. Wahh hoo! Although part of me misses school because it was such a distraction. I must confess that ever since college graduation I have not attended church as often as I used to. And I need God in my life today!!! Not that I need to go to church in order to worship God, but I need that constant reminder from church about God.

I mean, has this ever happened to you? Have you ever eaten something so delicious that you get so sick of it and stop eating it! But after a while you crave for it again and you forget what it tastes like. Well, that’s my problem! I forgot what it’s like to constantly be in church. And it’s not that I am afraid to leave my ‘worldly’ friends and be judged by them. I think I am afraid to lose what I have now- my wonderful social life. My parties, the guy I’m seeing, salsa dancing, house music clubs, “social” drinking, etc. And I know God would give me greater things than the aforementioned, but it’s in my human “nature” to fear the unknown and question whether those greater things would happen! I need to learn how to trust God. Well, I do trust him but I guess not enough = (

If I could only let go of those fears, do you know how much I would accomplish??? If I can just risk everything for the most wonderful person in this world, God, do you know how much happier I would probably be now? I love my life but maybe a little something can be changed. And that little something can transform me. I will discuss this transformation in a later blog!

La S ♥